I’m in a funk. Not anything as serious as depression, but a mild-ish, “the whole world sucks and is against me” mind-frame. These funks are most apt to rear their ugly little heads when my life is sailing along very smoothly for a time…when everything seems to be lining up just how I would orchestrate it if it were all my doing. And then: BAM! One minor setback (even one I saw coming) occurs and down I spiral. I lash out at everyone, I manipulate shamelessly to get sympathy, I change my normal ” I know that everything will work out as long as I put in the footwork” attitude, to a whiny, “it’s not fair that bad stuff happens to me, I’m never gonna reach my current much less future goals, the world is ending now” bitch-fest. The sickest part is that even when I know I’m down in the doldrums, I kinda enjoy letting the sickness fester and ooze for a couple days.
To date I have only found one surefire way to turn my frown upside down, and revert back to the still slightly bitchy, but super confident, positive, normal me. Instead of looking at what I don’t have and all the stuff that isn’t going exactly, perfectly, unfailingly how I want it to, I choose to sit down and make a list of 10 things I have to be grateful for. The relief and the attitude shift are nearly instantaneous. By the way, I can not claim credit for this idea…many great people b4 me have given me this tool which has saved my sanity myriad times. As I am fed up with myself and as it is Thanksgiving week, now seems to be a good time to apply the remedy.
Therefore: here is my formal attempt to disinfect the wound before something drastic like amputation (or physical harm to another human being) is necessary.
- I am grateful for my family: their love, their proximity, their support, their cooking and the use of their vehicles (when mine takes a crap at the worst possible time).
- I am grateful for my internship, the convenience of the location and the ease at which I obtained it, because I was super freaked out and overwhelmed at the different choices I had and their implications. Oh, and for being the first one in my class to get one and start it.
- On that note: I am grateful that my ego gets a good blow here and there because otherwise I would be insufferable even to myself.
- I am grateful that I have a way to alter my bad attitude that does not involve liquor or any other actions that would only be a temporary escape and not a (semi) permanent solution.
- I am grateful that I have a job that pays my very modest bills.
- I am grateful that I have friends vying for my free time and that they sometimes get jealous of each other or indignant that I’m not spending more time with them…it lets me know I’m loved.
- I am grateful to be debt free outside of student loans.
- I am grateful that I have a man in my life who takes my crappy behavior in stride and trusts that I will work it out.
- I am grateful that I am done with Christmas shopping, that I got my first and only taste of black Friday shopping (I spent $10 on 2 camisoles) and that I can shop for everything online and it will be set on my porch a few days later.
- I am grateful for football on Sunday with my Dad, even when the Bears choke.
- And I am grateful that I have so much to be thankful for.
Yep…better already ; )