In typical AM fashion, I am currently thinking more about how other people’s decisions and actions adversely affect what it is I want RIGHT NOW, than how sick, awful, ashamed they feel. While my empathy is fine-tuned in this particular situation to the point that I feel physically ill at the pain a loved one is putting his self through, I am also angry that his pain is bleeding over into my daily life and that the choices he has recently made create major problems in my immediate and future plans for me and for him…for him: there’s the problem dummy. I’m once again trying to control everyone around me. Man it’s exhausting, but when they do what I want, it’s sooooo satisfying. When, they don’t, which occurs much more frequently, I am continually let down, ticked off, aghast, in shock. I need to figure out how to balance my expectations and my boundaries.
November 12, 2011